When Love is Not Enough *REVISED*
by madziuda
Summary: **COMPLETE**When Michael and Maria found love they thought happiness was finally theirs but years later one of them learns that sometimes even love is not enough (M/M) *Chapters fixed and revised*
1. Sometimes Love is Not Enough

They say love is the greatest power of all

WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

By **Madziuda**

**Disclaimer**: Nothing Roswell related belongs to me.

**Category**: M&M, future fic, kinda. The first part can be labelled as the deathfic, but later it's just angst  
  
**Rating**: Ummm.....Not sure, it's pretty mild so I'd say PG13 but since a character death is mentioned I'll say R  
  
**Summary**: When Michael and Maria found love they thought happiness was finally theirs but years later one of them learns that sometimes even love is not enough  
  
**Feedback**: That's like my first Roswell fan fic ever, so I need all the constructive criticism possible. But please no flames

**Author's note**:I'll understand if you hate this story. Even I'm not sure I like it. This part is sad and depressing - it was born from one bad day and the fact that my faith in love that can conquer everything is slowly dying   
If you think it's worth it drop me a note, and tell what do you think about it. If you think I should not continue this story, let me know  
  
  


They say love is the greatest power of all.

They say it can move the mountains and cause miracles to happen. 

They say love is all…

I say they're wrong.

'Cause no matter what all the fairytales say, at the end of the day truth remains the same.

Sometimes love is not enough

*********************************

One, two, three, four, five, six. Six tears. The whole ocean of them

Enough to drown, enough to leave this world and join her.

Enough. That's got to be enough.

But then again, it's not. It will never be. 'Cause if the love I had for her wasn't then how can those salty drops running down my face be?

No, if love is not enough – nothing in the whole universe is. 

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing

*********************************

I open my eyes. Having them closed won't stop the tears from flowing. Nothing will. 

I look around and notice that I'm not alone anymore.

I should have known they'll come here as well. After all I wasn't the only one who loved her more than life itself. But how did they know? Did they hear my cries? Did someone tell them. Or was it love that called them here. To her.

My eyes wander around for a while before resting on the man who holds her lifeless hand. The only man in the whole wide world who had the power to heal her when my words and actions were hurting her. The one whose love lifted her from the ground and helped her to her feet. The one who could always bring the smile back to her face. The man whose love for her, although different, was almost as great as mine.

Next to him stands a women who owes it to her, that the ice surrounding her heart melted and warmed up enough for her to accept the love from this earth. She's not an ice princess anymore – her tears are hot. But not hot enough to bring warmth to the cold body lying on the bed in front of her. 

I look to the left and see two people clinging one to another. Two people who lost the golden sparkle that guided them to themselves when they were lost and alone. Her two "girlfriends".

There's one more person in the room. A man who lostthe last member of his family. A sister who supported him and always kept him on his toes. A light in his life. Without her his eyes weren't blue anymore……Without her there were no colors left…….

*********************************

I can't stand it anymore. I get up and leave the white room, I leave the hospital, I leave the town. They don't follow me, they understand. They always have. 

They know she's not there anymore. It's only her body that's lying on the hospital bed. Her soul, her essence has gone away. Away from me. 

I sink to my knees and grab handfuls of sand – to feel something, anything. To make sure the world still exists without her here. 

It does.

How can it? How?

I yell, letting the wind blowing over the desert, carry my words to her

" Why did you lie, Maria DeLuca???!!!!!!"

"Why did you say our love was enough to keep us both alive?"

"It's not" – I sob – "it's not"

*********************************

I'm not sure how many hours passed. It's dark and cold in the desert but I don't care. I don't care about anything right now. 

All I want is to die.

But death won't come to me- my life simply doesn't work that way- I should have learnt it by now. 

But no. Nothing gets through that thick skull of Michael Guerin. Nothing at all…

I choke back another sob as I realize that that's exactly what Maria would say right now.

That's what she always said about me.

I close my eyes again, knowing that now it is the only way to see her alive.

I need to see her. Not her eyes, not her hair, not her body – it's nothing but an empty shell now.

I need to see her soul, her life, her vibrancy 

I need to see my Maria in all her sparklingness.

And I'll see her. I will. 

I just don't know how to do it yet

********************************

Suicide. 

Yeah, I thought about it – if death doesn't want to come to me, then maybe **I** should come to **her**.

Yeah.

Maybe.

No.

I'm not stupid enough to think that suicides go to the same place as those who gave their life for greater good.

They don't. 

Do they?

And even if they do, I don't believe the God would let me be with her there. Why would He? If He didn't let me be with her here, why would He change His mind now? 

I'm not enough... Have never been... Not even with the love I learnt from this earthbound angel…

No…if my love was not enough to heal her, to keep her among those who loved her more than life itself, than it won't be enough to persuade the Man up there to let me spend the eternity with her.

********************************

Memories.

It hit me just like that.

Memories – they'll let me see her.

Memories. I've always hated them, always thought they're useless. But now I realize how wrong I was, how precious they are, how much I need them.

And I smile, silently thanking the God above for the gift of inhuman memory…

And I remember....

**************************************

A man and a woman.

Correction.

A woman and an alien. 

A couple – that's what we were back then.

More than that, actually.

Husband and wife 

Michael and Maria Guerin.

That's who we were

Who I thought we'll always be

Turns out I was wrong. 

**************************************

None of us had a happy family life – we weren't even sure if something like that exists in reality, but we were determined to create something at least a little bit better than what our parents had. 

I promised to never leave her and she promised to be my home forever.

We trusted each otherand never asked for more. Those two vows were enough for us to believe in the existence of a brighter future in Roswell, New Mexico.

It wasn't easy but we worked hard and in two years time we became the proud owners of a little blue house in the suburbs ofRoswell. It wasn't the most beautiful thing in the whole world but with Maria's ideas and my artistic nature we managed to turn it into our own cozy oasis. 

Into the house ofMaria and Michael Guerin. 

Our house.

Our home.

Our love

**************************************

We did well.   
  


No one thought we'll make it that far. I've actually heard people making bets on which one of us will walk away first and when it will be.

They thought we were weak like that.

To Roswell's community Hurricane DeLuca and Juvenile Delinquent Guerin did not stand a chance together. 

To them we were lost cases

To each other we were everything.

Maria was my love my life my world. She was a star which shone just for me and gave me what no other star could – a place on Earth. A place where I was loved.

To Maria I was a rock to lean on, a shoulder to cry on and a stupid dorkbutt with whom she could do all the crazy things she wanted. To her I was a man who could turn night into day. 

Together we were strong. 

Without each other we were lost and alone.

Without each other we didn't exist.

**************************************

But nothing lasts forever. 

The end came unexpected

The end started on the happiest day ofour lives.

So? Questions? Comments?

Only one more part till you'll actually hear Maria

And to end my post nicely a big thank you to all who read it and didn't hate it


	2. memories

Ok, here comes the next part

CHAPTER 2

**Author's note: **This chapter is dedicated to Rea. Because she said she was getting tired of the stories where life is perfect. I know what you mean, Chica J

*****************************************

Looking backat that day now I realize how completely out of place everything in the world was.

How unbelievably not right

How extraordinarily wrong. 

It should have been a stormy night – it was a bright sunny afternoon

The world should be drowning in silence – every living thing seemed to be singing with joy and gratitude

My shirt should have been black– I had a white one on.

I should have beensomber, I should have started mourning – I was laughing with my best friend at an old, unfunny joke

It should have been the worst day of my life – it was the happiest one.

But then again I didn't know what will be brought into our family by that life that barely started.

*********************************************

Maria entered our house the same way she always had.

There was no gloomy music in the background, no sense of dread in the air.

There was nothing unusual about her cheerful "What's up, girlfriend?" directed at Max, and the kiss he greeted me with didn't taste any different. 

No.

It tasted wonderful.

It tasted like her.

You'd think that something, anything, would indicate the beginning of the end, that fate would give us some kind of warning about the oncoming tragedy so that we could cherish the time we were left with, more.

But would we really?

Would it change anything?

Would it be possible for me to be happier after those 4 words that came out of her mouth the second we were left alone?

I'll never know

*********************************************

I remember the change in her eyes when Max left two hours later. 

Emerald turned into spring leaf. 

Intensity into confusion.

Love into fear 

I have always loved the way her eyes could tell more then her mouth, but at that particular moment I wished they weren't so expressive.

She was scaring me. A lot.

She sat down on the sofa in front of me and did something she had never done before – she avoided my eyes. Never in the history of our relationship had one of us done anything that wouldn't let us look into the other one's eyes, so this little thing totally gave her away.

Maria was leaving me.

She had finally awoken and realized that she was living with an ugly, worthless monster from another planet. That she was living with Michael Guerin – the alien. That she was living with me.

I didn't realize that she was talking to me until the pillow hitmy arm. I looked at her and waited for those inevitable words to come out of mouth. 

What will she say? "Sorry Spaceboy, it's been fun but I've met someone, who's actually *human*"? , or maybe "Yup Michael, Hank was right, you ARE a worthless piece of sh*t"?

"I'm pregnant, Michael" – I head instead.

Man, wasn't that unexpected…..

*************************************************

Most people think that when faced with a problem like that I'd get up and leave. And ran as far away from her and the baby as possible.

Well, most people don't know me at all.

The childhood I had, left me with a void that needed to be filled with someone else's love, and a heart that desperately needed to give some of my own love away. 

Maria's love for me filled that void.

Maria's love was enough to fill thousands of voids like mine.

She took care of my other problem too. She was the one who I could trust enough to give my love without fearing that she'll throw it away and laugh in my face. She took it and it filledthe voids in her heart too

This way we were essential to each other.

As time has gone by the wounds in myheart healed and the love I still received from this pixie of mine could finally be accumulated and sent to the other parts of my body.

To my eyes

My brain

My hands.

It changed me, it made me a better man and did something everyone thought was impossible.

It grounded me.

So much that I could say in allhonesty that those who thought I'd run away were simply wrong

*************************************************

I know, Iknow it's awfully short but still it's better than nothing, right?

So, did you like it?

Am I getting better or worse?

Will you be back for the next parts?


	3. The kiss

I sat there like some fool – not moving, barely breathing…

WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

CHAPTER 3

This part is dedicated to all my reviewers, especially to **Kelsey **who wasn't afraid to say that there were things I need to improve. That's what I call constructive criticism :o) Thanks.

I sat there like some fool – not moving, barely breathing…  
I must have looked like a fish with my eyes blinking crazily at her and my lips moving soundlessly.  
I wanted to say something, I really did, but no matter how hard I tried no sound could escape my mouth.  
I couldn't find the words that would be able to express my feelings properly. I didn't, and I still don't, believe that a word describing such indescribable happiness actually exists in human language.   
  
Maybe on my planet it does….  
  
Maria's sudden movement got me out of this trance. Stunned, I watched her get up and start pacing furiously around the room.   
  
I knew what it meant all too well – the infamous DeLuca babble was coming.   
  
"I know what you're thinking Mister Guerin, and I'll let you know you're wrong here, pally. I didn't plan it, I didn't do it on purpose. What? Did you actually think I did it to keep you with me, to get you to marry me? Hello? Don't I have you already? Huh?" – she rambled angrily, waving her hand in the air as if to show me the golden ring she was wearing on the finger of her left hand. The same ring I gave her 3 years ago. The one I put on her finger saying that I'll stay with her till death do us apart.  
  
She circled the sofa and took a deep breath to calm herself down a bit. It obviously wasn't working because she started pacing even faster.   
  
"I know we're not ready for it, I know it was unexpected and…" – her voice wavered and I could see that she's on the verge of tears –"…and if you leave I'll understand. I…I… didn't mean to ruin your life Michael, I really didn't…"  
  
She was saying something else now but I didn't her words anymore.   
I couldn't believe my own ears.  
How could she even think that she had ruined my life?  
She gave it to me.  
How could she think I'd want to leave?  
Her love would keep me with her forever.  
  
I stood up from my place on the sofa and walked up to her. I didn't give her the chance to finish whatever she was saying – I kissed her lips in mid sentence putting an end to her babble.  
  
"To calm you down" – I replied to her stunned expression and pulled her into a hug  
" How could you think that I'd ever leave you?"- I asked her while burring my face in her hair –"I love you too much, Maria, too much"  
  
I could feel the wetness of her tears on my chest and was glad to know that they were the tears of relief.   
Holding this trembling pixie in my arms I wondered what have I done to deserve her – I wasn't worthy of her, yet she stayed with me and now she was bearing my child.  
  
Life couldn't be better

**********************************************  
  
I held her like that for a long while.   
Waiting for the trembling to stop, for the tears to dry…  
Waiting for the happiness to sink in.   
I still couldn't believe that life was treating me so kindly – after all we had been through, after all the sleepless nights filled with fear and anxiety, after all of that and more someone from up-there had finally decided to let us rest and present us with the greatest gift of all - with the creation of our love, of everything we were and everything we had done.   
With one more person to love and to be loved by.  
  
I felt Maria pull back a bit from my arms.   
I looked at her beautiful face and fell even more in love with her.  
How couldn't I?  
She was my lover, my wife, my everything  
She was the mother of my unborn child.  
  
God, what a wonderful mother she would become if You didn't take her away from this world so soon  
  
I saw her searching my eyes as if trying to make sure the words I had spoken were real.   
I guess she thought my words, my kiss and the embrace I had her within were just an act.   
Maybe she thought I'd pack my bags and leave as soon as she turned her back.  
  
I would never do that.   
  
Never.  
  
"Did you really mean that?" – I hear her ask quietly.   
  
I didn't answer her question. There was no need to use the words.  
  
Instead I kneeled before her and wrapped my arms loosely around her waist. I looked up to see her eyes wide with surprise and then pressed my lips to her still flat belly.  
  
I guess that was enough for her to finally believe I wasn't going to run away.   
She bent down and with her small warm hands lifted my face so that I could look into her eyes.  
  
"I love you, Michael Guerin" – she whispered and placed the sweetest kiss on my lips.

***********************************************

It was the kiss I'll never forget.

The kiss I should have paid more attention to

The kiss inside of which someone put a clue to our future.

************************************************

I remember the sweetness of it being broken with something black and unnamed.

The flashes I got were different from the ones I usually received. 

They didn't consist of images but of the voices only – screams to be more precise.

I didn't know who they belonged to, there were several people shouting something I couldn't understand inside of my head.

I pulled back from Maria and the look on her face told me she felt it too.

-"Michael. The baby" – she spoke in a rush, her voice barely a whisper – "Check it out, Michael. Check if our baby's okay" – she pleaded, tears welling in her eyes again.

I didn't need to be asked twice. I picked my wife up and carried her on the sofa. Once I laid her there, she pulled her shirt up high enough to expose her stomach.

Fearing the worst I put my trembling hand on her belly and shut my eyes tightly, tryingmy hardest to concentrate on the life inside of Maria.

After several seconds I could feel the connection being formed, I felt my palm warming up and I knew it started glowing butI saw nothing.

Nothing at all.

-"Michael" – I heard my wife whisper – "Look"

I opened my eyes and saw something that filled me with awe and relief. The light from my hand created a projection on Maria's abdomen.

A projection of our child.

A tiny little baby

Perfectly normal *human* baby – with two arms and two legs.

A human baby girl.

I looked at Maria and saw awe mixed with disbelief painted across her face.

-"She's so big" – she said quietly as if she thought that if she spoke too loud our baby would disappear. – "How come she's so big and I'm not?" – she asked after a second. – "Not that I'm complaining, but…"-she added instantly and I smiled at the joy and amazement that was obvious in her voice.

-"I don't know, Maria, but I know that she's healthy" – I managed to say before falling to the floor unconscious. 

***********************************************************************

When I opened my eyes some time later, I was lying on the sofa with Maria bent down over me. I briefly wondered how did she managed to lay me there.

-"You shouldn't be lifting heavy thing Maria. No mother of my child should" – I whispered.

She smiled with relief at me and before I could say anything she covered my lips with hers.

Little did we knew that that would be our last not bittersweet kiss..

The last one that didn't mean goodbye.


	4. And it all falls apart...

*********SLINE PART 9 - AND IT ALL FALLS APART*******  
  
I remember the song that Alex used to sing whenever he felt like the whole world turned against him.  
  
I don't know the title or the name of its author. I have only heard it once or twice, when he sang it with Maria, and even then, needless to say, I paid more attention to her lips than to the words coming out of them.  
  
But I remember that one line always seemed to find a way to my ears and my mind.  
  
A line that pretty much summarizes my whole life:  
  
"Happiness, it's been no friend to me"  
  
It never stayed with me long enough to be actually called that.  
  
Not even than  
  
******************************************************************  
  
That night our little house was filled with the people we loved. Maria invited all of them over for a dinner, saying that she had something important to tell them. We didn't want to share our happiness with our friends over the phone.  
  
So they all came.  
  
Max and Liz, Alex and Isabel, Tess and Kyle.  
  
Our friends.  
  
Our family.  
  
I remember how smooth everything was going. No one fought, no one discussed alien related things, no one was tense. Everyone was happy; everyone enjoyed the normalcy of the situation.  
  
A group of young people spending their time with each other.  
  
Laughing  
  
Talking  
  
Joking  
  
Being happy and in love  
  
Total perfection.  
  
*************************************************  
  
The day before we decided that we'd announce the happy news after dessert - a home made apple pie with Tabasco – patented creation of Michael Guerin.  
  
At 8 o'clock the cake was consumed and everyone was waiting anxiously for the revelations we had promised to reveal.  
  
"Wait!" – jumped Maria startling me and everyone else. "Sorry"-she apologized sheepishly seeing our scared expressions. "Tonight everything's gotta be perfect so..."-she turned to me and sent me what I liked to call 'the glare of death' – "so don't you dare say anything, Spaceboy. Not until I come back with wine" – and with that she ran to the kitchen. 30 seconds later she came back with the red wine for humans and some nonalcoholic champagne for the aliens.  
  
I stood up and put my arm around her waist ready to spill the beans.  
  
No such luck.  
  
She got out of my embrace and smacked my arm.  
  
"Gee, aren't we in a little rush? I need to bring glasses too, right?"  
  
And once again my sweet wife fled to the kitchen.  
  
I shrugged off everyone's confused looks and mouthed "Maria" - it was enough to explain every weird thing in our household. Maria.  
  
I smiled when I saw her coming back with the tray filled with tall glasses.  
  
She smiled back at me and said "See, NOW we can tell them" –she said.  
  
The next sound I heard was the sound of the glasses breaking.  
  
My wife was lying on the floor.  
  
Unconscious.  
  
*****************************************  
  
Oh, and the song line is Bon Jovi's 


	5. Never be the same again

******* Things will never be bright again*******  
  
My whole life, I had never felt afraid.  
  
Confused? Exasperated? Tired?  
  
Sure  
  
But never afraid.  
  
Not when Hank beat the crap out of me, not when the FBI was after us, not even when Max was taken.  
  
No.  
  
I felt helpless, I felt angry but not afraid.  
  
Never afraid.  
  
Somehow I always knew there would be a good ending to it all - that the good guys would win and the bad ones wouldn't.  
  
I liked to believe that fear couldn't affect aliens, that we were immune to it, that those who "engineered" us programmed our brains to reject this humiliating feeling.  
  
My whole life, I lived with the certainty that I' d never get into the wreath of fear.  
  
My whole life I had been wrong.  
  
********************************************  
  
I remember that the sight of Maria lying lifelessly on the floor of our living room, made all my feelings disappear.  
  
In their place came the fear.  
  
Kyle was the first to react. Working as a sheriff of Roswell taught him to act quickly in the situations like this.  
  
He took the cell phone out of his pocket and started dialing the Emergency number, while Liz kneeled beside Maria checking for the pulse.  
  
-"Cancel the number, Kyle" – I said coming out of my trance. Whatever happened to Maria had to be connected to the alien baby growing inside of her. We couldn't jeopardize its life be calling the doctors over – "Cancel it!"-I yelled again noticing that Kyle had his phone by the ear already. He seemed shocked but compelled. I know that he wanted some explanations but I wasn't ready to give them to him.  
  
To them.  
  
Not yet.  
  
Seeing me silent made his shock instantly change into fury.  
  
-"Listen, Guerin, she's my sister and she needs help. Can't you see it?!"- He seemed like he was ready to punch me right then. He would have probably done it if Liz's statement wouldn't interrupt us  
  
-"Guys! Maria….She's..she's not breathing"  
  
I remember dropping down to my knees then and cradling her on my lap.  
  
_"That's it. I'm calling"- I heard Kyle's voice in the background. I didn't care anymore. Nothing mattered then my Maria was dead  
  
_"No!" – the new voice joined in. I didn't know who it belonged to until Max kneeled beside us.  
  
-"Let me help her" – he said quietly bending over Maria.  
  
That was our Max. Our friend. My brother. OUR brother.  
  
He knew me well enough not to ask any questions, he simply knew that I had my reasons.  
  
I watched him press one of his palms against Maria's chest and the other one against her forehead.  
  
He closed his eyes trying to concentrate hard enough for the connection to be formed. After several seconds I saw drops of sweat poring down his forehead. He started to shake really hard and I could see that whatever he was doing was causing him much pain. At the same time I felt Maria's body shaking first lightly then real hard.  
  
Harder than Max.  
  
Instants later everything stopped and Max collapsed to the floor exhausted.  
  
I looked at him shocked – nothing like that had ever happened before.  
  
A small voice in the back of my head told me that something was wrong, that Max's powers failed, but I refused to listen to it. Instead I looked down at Maria, her head still lying on my lap.  
  
She was alive.  
  
Sweaty, wide-eyed but alive.  
  
"Thank God" – I whispered before bending down and pressing my lips on her forehead. "Don't ever scare me like that again"- I breathed against her skin forgetting about the whole world and thanking both God above and Max below for giving her back to me.  
  
I don't know how long I stayed like that holding each Maria close to my heart, but when we finally separated everyone else was gone.  
  
Everyone else but Max.  
  
I should have seen that something was wrong by the looks they gave each other, the kind of looks that foretell the tragedies. But no, I was too busy being happy to notice anything.  
  
-"Do you mind if I talk with Max in private, Spaceboy?' _ I remember Maria asked.  
  
Of course I didn't.  
  
I figured that Maria probably wanted to thank him without anyone around. She was always like that – she didn't like the mushy words being overheard.  
  
Their talk lasted over an hour. After it finished Max left quickly without even saying goodbye.  
  
*********************************************************  
  
Later that night, I remember, I hugged Maria. And kneeled before her just like that night when I first found out that I'm going to be a father. I wanted to connect with our daughter the way I did every night but when I placed my palm on Maria's belly I felt nothing.  
  
Completely nothing  
  
I felt something cold splashing on my head and when I looked up I saw tears pouring down my wife's cheeks.  
  
-"We have to talk, Michael" she said  
  
And by this words I knew that there will be no more happy times for Maria and Michael Guerin  
  
************************** 


	6. Words

*****************– WORDS*********************  
  
Over the years I came to love Maria's voice.  
  
Her songs, her endless babbles, everything.  
  
The way her lips moved, the way her eyes seemed to speak along with her mouth.  
  
Everything  
  
But when I heard her that time, when I looked into her eyes and instead of the usual sparkles I saw darkness, I knew that I wouldn't like what she was going to talk to me about.  
  
What I didn't know was that the talk we were going to have would be the worst one I had ever had.  
  
The one that shattered my whole world into tiny little pieces  
  
*********************************************************  
  
- "We have to talk Michael" – she said  
  
- "Sure"- I nodded and led her to the couch. – "What do you want to talk about?" – I asked desperately trying to keep the panic out of my voice. I knew something was seriously wrong but at that very moment there was nothing I wanted more than to believe that the only reason for her tears was the fight with Max  
  
I watched her bury her face in her hands and for a minute or two she sat like that not talking, not looking at me, merely breathing.  
  
Finally, she lifted her head and turned to face me. Maybe I was just imagining things but it seemed to me than during those few minutes she had aged ten years. It was almost as if someone came and took all the light away from her when she wasn't looking at me.  
  
She took several deep breaths and started talking.  
  
- Michael, do you remember the night I told you about our daughter? When we kissed… what did you feel?  
  
- You. I felt you.  
  
- No. You had flashes – what did you felt in them, what did you see?  
  
- I didn't see anything – I replied truthfully – No pictures, only darkness…and screams – I added after a second.  
  
She nodded as if it was and was not the answer she was expecting.  
  
- Did you hear them too? – I asked when she remained silent.  
  
She looked me straight in the eyes, searching them, trying to find out if I was ready for what she was going to tell me, I guess.  
  
- Yes. I did…but there's more. *I* saw something. I saw our baby hurting. I saw her shrinking and withering  
  
-Withering?  
  
- Yes. She looked like a flower someone forgot to water. Dying.  
  
- Why didn't you tell me? – I asked shocked.  
  
- I thought you saw that too. You looked so scared when we  
  
finished kissing. And I asked you to examine the baby, didn't I? – She wiped the tears that started rolling down her face again. I wanted to hug her but when I came closer she moved away  
  
- Not yet, Michael. There's more. Today when Max was healing me – we both got flashes, you know. But they, they were different, not the usual stuff from the past….No…the future…I guess. I saw our baby growing inside of me, I saw the labor, and then I felt pain and saw blood. Max…he had similar flashes – he saw the baby and the labor but...he felt this…weird energy pushing him away from me. He said that then he saw the inside of me...and according to him it was empty, Michael. Empty.  
  
I stared at her for several seconds trying to comprehend her words.  
  
-Empty…- I repeated slowly and when I saw her nod weakly I understood why I couldn't feel the baby inside of Maria before – Our baby's dead?  
  
- Not exactly. I thought it is too but when I talked to Max later, he said that the emptiness doesn't mean that the baby disappeared or died. He said that it was me that was empty – that there's no energy inside of me….  
  
- But he healed you, right? – I interrupted  
  
She shook her head  
  
- Not really. It seems that this baby needs more energy than other babies and since it cannot produce it itself she takes it from the ones it's connected to. Remember when you fainted after connecting with our girl the first time? It was because she took some strength from you. Tonight during the dinner she took some from me too, more then ever, actually. I would have died if he wouldn't form the connection with her. This way she took the strength she needed from him. –She explained  
  
- So our baby's killing you?  
  
She wasn't responding so I repeated my question "Is she?" When there still was no answer from her the realization dawned on me.  
  
– Oh my God Maria. She is, isn't she? She's killing you!  
  
- Not for a while. Max gave her more energy than she needed, so there's a chance that everything will be fine.  
  
- A chance, Maria?! A chance?! – I shouted, standing up from the couch and starting a furious pace  
  
She stood up and put her arms around me, hugging me as hard as never before.  
  
- It may be enough, Michael. She may not need more…she whispered against my chest  
  
I wrapped my arms tightly around her returning the hug. I wasn't convinced but I knew that right now she needed me calm, needed me to believe.  
  
- Yes, Maria she won't need more. Our love will be enough to feed her. She won't need more – I whispered into her hair feeling cold drops of water rolling down my eyes. – Our love will be enough….  
  
************************ 


	7. The fight

************************** THE FIGHT *********************  
  
Fighters – that's what we have always been.  
  
Never quitting, never surrendering – always fighting.  
  
We knew that if we'd fall one day we'd make damn sure that the one who fought us would fall as well.  
  
We were soldiers.  
  
I – by Destiny.  
  
Maria – by Love.  
  
This time, however, it was our daughter that we were supposed to fight – the embodiment of our love, of everything we felt for each other….  
  
It was too much for us….  
  
Still, we didn't give up.  
  
Instead we started our own private war against Fate…  
  
********************************************  
  
For a while it seemed like we were winning  
  
After a few weeks of normalcy we actually started believing that what Max had given our daughter that night was indeed enough for her to survive without draining Maria.  
  
Still, night after night I connected with my wife giving her some of my energy, some of my strength. Some of my love…  
  
It wasn't much – our baby never allowed the connection to last more than few seconds – but, somehow, it seemed to be enough  
  
********************************************  
  
Two months had passed and Maria's stomach was still flat but when we called Max to examine her again he told us that the baby was okay and almost big enough to come into this world.  
  
We were happy beyond words and so sure that we had won that battle that we decided to tell our friends the truth.  
  
No words can describe their surprise and joy.  
  
No number is big enough to say how many hugs were exchanged that night.  
  
Everyone congratulated us; everyone wished us well and wanted the baby to be named after them. There was even a small fight between Isabel and Liz about which one of them is gonna be a godmother to our child.  
  
Only Max stayed quiet the whole time, giving us unsure glances fro time to time. He didn't approve of our choice of not telling the gang about the problems this pregnancy was causing. He thought we owed it to them.  
  
We thought we didn't have the right to place this burden on their shoulders, to add one more thing to their already long list of worries.  
  
They deserved the calm the state of not knowing provided them with  
  
********************************************  
  
One day.  
  
One day was enough for the whole world to change  
  
To make us realize that it wasn't us that was winning this war...  
  
******************************************* 


	8. Mornings

*********************MORNINGS**********************  
  
Mornings  
  
People say there's something special about them – something magic.  
  
They say that each morning holds a promise, gives a chance.  
  
They say that the sun rising on the horizon brings hope that the darkness of this world can  
  
indeed be defeated.  
  
Maybe they're right.  
  
Maybe there is a bit of magic in them.  
  
Maybe the sun that rises so stubbornly day after day despite everything is indeed a bringer of hope.  
  
But for me mornings will always mean the same.  
  
They'll mean sorrow  
  
They'll mean fear  
  
They'll mean goodbye.  
  
**************************************************  
  
I remember waking up early on that day.  
  
I'm not much of a morning person but that Sunday something inside of me made me open my eyes sooner than ever. I'm not sure what it was – maybe my intuition, maybe the Sun that decided to rise so early and shine extra bright, maybe my heart that suddenly started to ache like it was dying? Or maybe it was God finally taking pity on the Guerins and giving us a last chance to say goodbye?  
  
I don't know and I honestly don't care.  
  
All I know is that when I woke up that day my wife was cold.  
  
And pale.  
  
And barely breathing  
  
Needless to say I panicked. I shook her hard trying to wake her up, to shake some life into her. It was useless. Everything about me was useless at that moment.  
  
I grabbed the phone from the bedside table and frantically started dialing the number of the one person that had the power to help my wife. My fingers shook so bad that it took me almost a minute to get the number right.  
  
-Yes? - the voice of the person on the other end of the line was muffled with sleep but I felt no remorse for waking him up.  
  
-I need your help, Max – I managed to say. The panic in my voce must have made Max realize the nature of the problem because when I heard him a second later he sounded complete awake.  
  
- I'll be at your place in 5 minutes – I heard him say. Then the line went quiet.  
  
I put the phone back on the table and turned to look at Maria. She was even paler than before, her chest was barely rising and I realized that 5 minutes might be too late.  
  
Maria was dying.  
  
I couldn't just sit there and watch her leave. I bent over her still form and placed my trembling hand on her abdomen, trying to concentrate and form the connection essential to the process of healing. It was no use. Something was blocking me, as if it thought that what I had to offer wasn't worth a thing. Desperate I bent down and kissed her lips thinking that it's really our last goodbye. Turned out I was wrong. As soon as my lips made contact with hers something clicked and I could feel the energy passing from my body to hers. There were no visions – only blinding brightness that stopped as quickly as it started. I felt the exhaustion taking over me and I pulled back knowing that there's nothing left inside of me to give Maria.  
  
I looked at her then and saw some color coming back to her cheeks. I let out a sigh of relief – I helped her. But then again I didn't.  
  
I noticed that her breathes were still shallow, she didn't seem to be coming back to the consciousness and I realized that what I had done didn't heal her but only bought her some more time.  
  
I had lain back on the bed and wrapped my arms around her small body pulling her as close to me as possible. I wanted us to be close I wanted her to be able to take whatever she needed from me when she felt like slipping away again.  
  
That's how Max found us 3 minutes later.  
  
*********************************** 


	9. Dreams

**********DREAMS*************  
  
Dreams.  
  
I never had them as a child.  
  
Nightmares? Visions? Memories?  
  
Sure.  
  
But dreams?  
  
Not for the likes of me…  
  
For a long time I thought that aliens simply weren't made to have them.  
  
That we were above something as trivial as dreams.  
  
But then I found out that Max and Izzy dreamt too and I realized that it was only me whose nights were really dark.  
  
That it was only me who didn't deserve to dream.  
  
But the day I first saw Maria, *really* saw her, it changed.  
  
I started dreaming.  
  
  
  
Now I wish I could dream all the time.  
  
Because in my dreams Maria is still with me.  
  
***********************************************  
  
I remember the way Max looked when he noticed me lying on my bed with lifeless Maria in my arms.  
  
It seemed like the light in his eyes somehow faded and then went away without saying goodbye. I've always thought that the hazel brightness of his orbs was permanent – that nothing would ever be able to make it fade away.  
  
But then again I've also thought that the day I had to say goodbye to my wife would never come.  
  
Seems to me I've been wrong about many things.  
  
Too many…  
  
-Am I too late? – I remember him asking quietly. Can you imagine it? Max, king Zan of Antar, the fearless leader of an entire race was speaking in trembling whisper. Unimaginable.  
  
Carefully I let Maria out of my embrace and sat up on the bed.  
  
- She's still alive – I whispered – I gave her some of my energy but it seems she needs more than that. And I'm not sure there's anything left inside of me that she would want to take. Guess I'm really worthless after all…  
  
I could see that he wanted to say something, to tell me that I'm wrong – to lie, but there was no time for lies. Every second mattered. Every second made the distance between Maria and me longer and longer.  
  
So I got up and did something that I always swore I wouldn't do.  
  
I begged.  
  
I begged Max to help her, to give her some of the energy, some of the power I knew he possessed. I told him I would do anything for him; give him anything he wanted as long as he agreed to help her. Hell, at that moment I was ready to sell my soul to the Devil if only he could bring Maria back.  
  
I will never forget the look Max gave me then. The kind of look that spoke volumes – the look that was filled with so much hurt that it could kill.  
  
I guess he really loved her that much.  
  
He pushed past me and kneeled by the bed. The hand he laid on her stomach started to glow and for a second the whole room filled with light so bright that I could see nothing. Then everything went dark and I heard loud thump nearby. When I opened my eyes I saw Maria still lying motionless, still with almost no life inside of her.  
  
But Max wasn't near her any longer. I turned around and I saw him on the floor few meters away from her bed.  
  
- It didn't work – he answered my questioning glance – There's some kind of electric force that wants me nowhere near the baby. I'm sorry Michael, but there's nothing I can do now. – he whispered the last part of this sentence so quietly that I wasn't even sure if it wasn't just my imagination. But the look on his face told me that I heard him right. There was no way to save my wife.  
  
- Are you sure? - I asked – Are you ABSOLUTELY sure?! – I could hear my voice rising and I felt bad for shouting at Max but I couldn't control myself at that point.  
  
And then I saw something in his eyes. Something that told me that Max wasn't completely honest with me.  
  
- There's something more! – I stated – there's SOMETHING more!!! What are you not telling me Max? – by that time I was pinning him to the wall ready to punch the truth out of him if necessary. I guess he knew me too well to feel afraid because he kept quiet. I let go of him, stood up, and turned to face the bed.  
  
- I need to know Max. I need to. Don't you know that? Don't you know that I can't live without her? – my voice cracked at this point and I had to clench my jaw real hard not to let out the sobs I felt coming.  
  
- It's nothing NOW – I heard Max whisper.  
  
- Now? – I asked without turning around. I didn't want him to see the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks.  
  
After several seconds of silence Max started speaking. His voice seemed to be getting closer to me so I guessed he had stood up by then.  
  
- When I healed Maria that night at your place I got the visions that shown the baby dying and...and I could see Maria dying with her. I saw Maria willing herself to give some strength to her daughter and I could sense the connection being formed. It was Maria who agreed to give herself up for the baby's sake. I knew that she would die if she kept giving her life force away and I knew that it could be fixed if the child would be…removed. I tried to persuade Maria to break that connection but she would hear nothing of it. She told me that if the baby would die, there's no guarantee that she would stay alive. She kept saying that even if her body would survive she wouldn't be able to live with the knowledge that she didn't do everything she could to help her baby. Michael…she said that she would die inside, and that she didn't want you to live without at least a part of real her...Michael…she did it to be with you…  
  
At that moment tears were streaming wildly down my face. I wanted to be angry with Max for keeping that away from me. I wanted to be angry with Maria for making that decision by herself. I wanted to be angry with both of them but I just couldn't. All they did was love me too much….  
  
I guess they were naive enough to think that this love would be enough…  
  
I felt Max's hand on my shoulder and heard those words that I've been dreading so much come from his mouth.  
  
- I think you should say goodbye now, Michael...  
  
************************************* 


	10. Farewell

********** FAREWELL****************  
  
-I think you should say goodbye now, Michael...  
  
That's what he said.  
  
That's what he never should have said.  
  
What I never should have heard.  
  
-I think you should say goodbye now, Michael...  
  
Should I?  
  
*Could* I?  
  
Was I strong enough to do it?  
  
-I think you should say goodbye now, Michael...  
  
No, I couldn't do that.  
  
I knew that if I would, it would mean that Maria and I had finally been defeated.  
  
-I think you should say goodbye now, Michael... – Max repeated and I realized that he was right.  
  
I *had to* say goodbye.  
  
I owed it to Maria – she didn't deserve to die without one last farewell kiss.  
  
************************************  
  
I sent Max one last glance and he nodded slightly before opening the door and leaving Maria and me alone.  
  
He knew that I wanted to keep those last few moments with my wife for myself – that I didn't need any witnesses  
  
He understood.  
  
He always did.  
  
I turned my attention back to Maria then. I walked up to the bed and slowly, reluctantly laid myself down beside her. I really didn't want to do this – it was so….final…but then again so was this whole situation. I searched for her hand and, after finding it, I enclosed it in my own, much bigger one.  
  
The last thing I noticed before drifting off to sleep was the lone tear that escaped from behind my lids and splashed on the sheets of the bed I shared with my wife for so long.  
  
************************************  
  
When I opened my eyes several seconds later I saw the reds and yellows of the desert surrounding me. The sun was slowly setting and the sky, while still purply blue, was already letting the stars show themselves to everyone on the planet. I looked around and noticed a lone figure sitting on a rock nearby. I walked closer and saw a cascade of golden hair falling down on the person's back. I heard the sweet, slow song coming from that direction and I could swear that it was the real angel singing it. As I approached this figure I realized it wasn't far away from the truth. It was *my* own, private angel.  
  
-Maria- at the sound of her name she turned around flashing a bright sunny smile at me.  
  
God, how I loved seeing her smile.  
  
-Shhh…you'll wake her up – she whispered pointing at the small bundle in her arms. I looked down and noticed that it was a baby that she was singing to few seconds before.  
  
Our baby.  
  
I knelt beside her to get a better look at the baby and was immediately taken aback by its beauty. I swear I had never seen something as goddess- like as this little girl. Yeah she definitely took after her mother. I touched her tiny face with my fingers and lazily she opened her eyes. The happy light inside them almost blinded me. They were the color of hazel nut with several diamond-like bright green spots. So beautiful, so very beautiful…  
  
How could someone so beautiful could be so evil, how could she cause so much badness in our life?  
  
- It's not true, Michael and you know it – I heard Maria say. She stood up and after placing our daughter in a small wooden cradle, she turned back to face me.  
  
- It's not true, Spaceboy, it's not- she repeated slowly. She reached for my hand and took it in her much smaller one caressing it with her tiny finger.  
  
- It is, Maria. How can you say it's not? She took you away from me. She *killed* you…  
  
-God, no, Michael! She didn't. That evening, when I fainted she was dying, and I collapsed because I couldn't bear the pain of losing her. I *willed* myself to revive it but she wouldn't let me feed her with the energy I got. She wanted to *protect* me, Michael. And *it* was killing me. The thought that I'd have to watch helplessly as the life I created with you fades away. Then came Max and he was so strong...with him I could do that – I could help our daughter survive. I could create the unbreakable connection. Max sensed what I was doing and he wanted to break away but I wouldn't let him. I*couldn't* let him, Michael…He was so mad, so very mad at me later that I thought he'll never speak to me again, he wanted me to live so he tried to persuade into letting him "heal" me – by removing our daughter. But I didn't want her to die. I needed you to have her, I needed to have her myself…- she trailed off.  
  
I followed her glance and saw our baby sleeping peacefully in the cradle. In that moment I realized that I couldn't hate her. I loved her already…  
  
-But how can I live without you Maria? I'll die…  
  
-No. I'm not leaving Michael; not really, I'll always be around  
  
-How, Maria? How?  
  
Smiling softly she pointed upwards and I saw the V-shaped constellation shining down on the two of us  
  
-that's where I'll be Michael, that's where you'll always find me…Above with the stars and below right there in your heart –she whispered and after placing the sweetest of kisses on the center of my chest she disappeared.  
  
And with her, the baby, the desert and everything around.  
  
The dream ended.  
  
*****************************************  
  
I opened my eyes and saw Max sitting on the edge of Maria's half of the bed. I briefly wondered how did he know that we finished with our goodbyes…. I guess he simply knew. It was Max after all….  
  
He nodded at me and I nodded back.  
  
I saw Max placing his hand on Maria's belly and I closed my eyes praying silently for the miracle to happen.  
  
Guess, no one was listening this time because when I opened my eyes again I saw Max sweating, panting  
  
And desperate…  
  
- It's not enough Michael, it's not…- he whispered and I could see the tears coming out from his eyes and mixing with the drops of sweat on his cheeks.  
  
I shook my head sadly and then covered his hand, that was still on Maria's abdomen, with my own palm.  
  
The light that was created filled the whole room for several seconds and then without any warning stopped.  
  
30 seconds later Maria was dead.  
  
****************************** 


	11. Epilogue

************** EPILOUGE****************  
  
  
  
The feeling of warmth on my shoulder startles me. I didn't know I could even recognize warmth anymore – I haven't felt it for so long that I started believing it had never existed at all.  
  
I open my eyes and see Alex standing in front of me. He doesn't look all that well either…- well, what was I expecting? That he'll turn up all bright and sunny? That he'll smile from ear to ear?  
  
That's not exactly how someone who has just lost their best friend looks like…  
  
He sits down beside me and look ahead at the desert that Maria loved so much… the desert that's still here even though she's not.  
  
It's not fair. It's not. It shouldn't be here anymore.  
  
Nothing should….  
  
He's still not saying anything but I can see that there's a lot going on in this brainy head of his.  
  
And even more in his heart – if he still has one….  
  
I don't.  
  
It has turned into ice the second Maria's soul left this world….  
  
- Why didn't you tell me, Michael?  
  
The sound of his voice sends a chill down my spine – I can't feel him in it. It's like the real Alex left this world to mourn his best friend away from the other people's stares and only left a shell of his body here on earth.  
  
He turns to look at me and I calm down a little. It's still Whitman in there.  
  
It's still him.  
  
Only Marialess….  
  
I see his lips moving and, not able to hear any sound at all, I take a wild guess that he's repeating his question.  
  
Why didn't I tell HIM?  
  
He deserved to know.  
  
Wasn't he her best friend? More than a brother...? Wasn't he the one who protected her when I wasn't around?  
  
The one who protected her from me?  
  
Wasn't his love for her as great as mine?  
  
Why didn't *I* tell him?  
  
Did I think that it was only me who deserved to say goodbye?  
  
Was I that selfish?  
  
WHY didn't I tell him?  
  
Because she didn't want me to?  
  
Because I was afraid of his reaction?  
  
Because I felt he wasn't strong enough to take news like that?  
  
- Because I didn't want to believe it myself – I say aloud and I know that these words are indeed true. Till the last moments I kept hoping that we'd defeat the danger.  
  
That we'll win.  
  
Maria and I.  
  
I see Alex nod slowly and I know he understands. The lone tear that rolls down his cheek glistens in the starlight and I feel the urge to apologize to him for letting Maria go without giving him the chance to say goodbye. But I don't do it. I can't. I simply can't.  
  
- You should have told me anyway…- he says and all I can do is nod in agreement. He doesn't see it, however, his eyes are still closed in a useless attempt to keep the tears inside.  
  
Crying Alex…  
  
It doesn't sound right.  
  
I wonder if anything ever will.  
  
The silence that comes between us once again is deafening but I don't feel strong enough to break it.  
  
Alex does it for me…  
  
-She's waiting...- he says neither to me nor to himself…  
  
I nod once again and we both get up and start heading for the car.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Minutes later we arrive at my house. I don't have to look around to know Maria's not there anymore.  
  
I would feel her if she was… and I don't feel anything anymore.  
  
Will I ever be able to?  
  
I climb up the stairs and head for the bedroom leaving Alex alone in the hall. I don't think I can look in his eyes once again and not fall apart from the guilt I feel.  
  
I open the door and the first thing I see is Liz sitting on my bed holding a small bundle in her arms. She notices me and gets up. Before I can react something soft and warm is placed in my arms and the door behind me is closing.  
  
I'm alone.  
  
  
  
I look down at the strangely moving bundle and see the eyes I have already seen before – hazel with bright green spots….  
  
My daughter's eyes.  
  
She smiles at me and I can feel the ice surrounding my heart begins to melt.  
  
I sigh with relief as I realize that I'm not alone after all.  
  
That Maria is still with me.  
  
In my daughter's eyes….  
  
I place a soft kiss on the baby's forehead and in the quietest of whispers I promise her to never leave.  
  
I walk up to the window and look at the starts that are gracing the sky this night. The V-shaped constellation is right above my head casting friendly rays of light at me.  
  
-Look sweetheart – I say to my daughter –your mammy is saying hello… 


	12. IMPORTANT NOTE

Some of you may remember the way I kept saying that no matter how many people will or will not like this story I'll continue writing it. I also said that I have a reason to behave like it and that I'll tell you this reason after the end of the story....  
  
So...here I am....  
  
At first this fic meant almost nothing to me - it was just a product of a very bad day and an awful break-up.... I didn't know what I wanted to do with it or even if I wanted to ANYTHING with it. But then I started getting positive reviews and decided that I'm gonna make it special by turning this story in a tribute to a very special couple.  
  
You see there was this married couple in my neighborhood, quite young, in their early thirties maybe, and madly in love with each other.  
  
Their love was simply overwhelming - they were always kissing holding hands, behaving like they were the only people on earth.... I remember rolling my eyes at them and wondering why they act this way. "Can't they keep their hands off each other for a while? Wait with the smoochies till they get home? They have their whole lives ahead. The world will not end if they won't kiss every single second." - I was always saying.  
  
I was wrong. They did NOT have eternity ahead of them.  
  
Anna got pregnant and Tomasz was in seventh heaven - he was going to become a father...I had never seen the guy as happy as then.... But then, one Sunday during the mass, Anna fainted. She was brought to the hospital and examined. She told her husband that it was nothing serious - she was simply exhausted... The rest of pregnancy went seemingly smooth..."seemingly" because they weren't the same since then. Not Anna at least. She was smiling but there was always some sadness in her eyes. Like...I don't know like what...At that time I didn't think about her that often....  
  
Anyways she went into labour in the middle of eight month. She died giving birth to her baby daughter Kasia.  
  
Why it all happened the way it did was revealed during the burial services at our church when Tomek gave his "speech"  
  
He said that at the beginning of the sixth month Anna told him she had leukemia. She found out about it when she was at the hospital that day when she fainted the doctors said that if she didn't start the chemical treatment soon she wouldn't survive. But the treatment would kill the baby. She asked the doctors not to tell him and they had to obey...The pregnancy exhausted her even more, her body didn't have the strength to fight the cancer when it had to support the life inside of her as well. Tomek said that he asked her why did she lie for such long time...Her answer was simple "Because I didn't want you to try and persuade me to have an abortion." Sixth month was too late to do anything. The rest of pregnancy she spent at home - lying in bed for most of the time - and under the watchful eye of a friend who was a doctor...At the beginning of eight month she was really weak, Tomek, said he knew then that she wouldn't survive. But he kept hoping. He thought that his love for her and God's love for Anna would be enough.  
  
It wasn't.  
  
When asked if he'll be able to live with and love Kasia knowing that she was the reason why Anna didn't try to save herself Tomek answered: "I can't NOT love Kasia. I love her with all my heart and soul. She's the only thing I have now. She's Anna's greatest gift"  
  
So, that's the story behind Sometimes Love is not enough and while separate parts were dedicated to various other people the WHOLE FIC is dedicated to Anna M, who, in spite of everything, showed me that LOVE IS ENOUGH after all.  
  
Magda 


End file.
